Saturday, February 13, 2010

Road Trip. Destination: Leap of Faith

I took a road trip a few weekends back. Destination: Leap of Faith. With the suitcase in the back seat, a compilation of mixed CDs created the night before, and thoughts in tow, I set off. Roundtrip, the mileage according to GoogleMaps was roughly 530 miles, but it was nearly not enough distance to cover all of the thoughts racing through my mind. Upon arrival I sat in a parking lot with an ink pin jotting down as much as I could on my “GPS” print out … what came out was this:

Solitude. Now there is a thought. Finding refuge in that delicate, immense peace of time, in the here and now. But in the “seeking” of the refuge, what truly calms our souls?
Perhaps moments of our past. But moments of our past will not make the hurt and pain of the second dissipate; it does soothe and comfort, but also unearths demons.
Perhaps salvation of hope. But in the forage of hope, you must truly give merit to faith, belief, and sustain in both.
Perhaps building bridges, and even the construction to those torn down.
Perhaps the journey of endless possibilities. The wonder and delight each opportunity truly captures in the essence of what is yet to be.
Perhaps letting go. Although letting go of the stress, of the hurt, of the pain, of the past, of the habits, and additions, burdens and unjust, how does one undertake such a large endeavor, when holding on is so much easier in theory …
Perhaps in forgiveness. The seeking of and the giving – I am not so na├»ve to think I will not always be sorry in some aspects of my life, but doesn’t that play an intricate roll in the “letting go” philosophy?
Perhaps in the yesterdays. Those tricky what have been, could have been, what-ifs of our past – one must take from them the lessons to be had, and leave the rest behind.
Perhaps in the “which came first, and will always be” theory. But, which really did come first, the chicken? It has to be that chicken … how in the hell else could the egg? Unless … no crazy thought …
Perhaps in our sources of rejuvenation. How we repair from the despair that at times will plague our daily grinds.
Perhaps in comfort. What I wouldn’t give for one of those infamous grandmother afternoon hot chocolate sessions.
Perhaps in the saying “enough”. When is enough, enough? And more so, when have we had enough?
Perhaps in the tearing down of our walls. It can give us a chance to not rebuild, but restructure. Let the light fill the darkness that has out shadowed for far too long. But, when does comparisons end, walls come down, and our internal battles dissipate? It seems so fragile, yet so influential and sturdy.
Perhaps in taking a risk. In that taking, you are putting yourself in a situation that could find you speechless … in such an astounding, breathtaking way … if taken. If allowed.
Perhaps the existence of reality. Being caught up in the fantasy can shatter you when reality meet – search for a way the two can co-exist.
Perhaps in the displacement. Scary notion, but the personal hell of confusion can open the doors to clarity and insight far greater than imagined.
Perhaps in the leap of faith. There is nothing stopping you … Jump.

That weekend I took a leap of faith, and was shattered upon impact of the landing. Through the bruises I can see the formation of scars, but I lived in the moment of perhaps and never gave it another notion. Unprotected, I was vulnerable – territory for me that I had not allowed myself to venture into for a long time, and the hurt that came with that outing for a brief moment made me rethink what I had done. However, my conclusion is this: I would have continued to live guarded if I had not stepped out into the great unknown world of “chance”. Within that chance I failed, but was still awarded the keepsake of not wondering “what if’. And within that, I am confident I will continue to pursue the “perhaps” in life – take risks, unleash optimism, continuing to fill the cup of “half full” … for one day, perhaps, that leap of faith will take me to a destination far more awe-inspiring than could ever be, if I never tried. If you never try, you can never fail – and if you never fail, you can never truly achieve. Venture to your destinations – whatever “perhaps” they may be … or how far … or how long … within them they all have a common denominator in your passport: the leap of faith. Jump.