Saturday, March 20, 2010

Oay Vey, the Frustration

Let me start this week’s column by saying if you came here in search of inspiration and words of the “uplifting” nature, you may what to steer your eyes away and instead check out Tony Robbins webpage for the “enhance” you are in need of. This week’s column is one of pure frustration ...

Frustration such as the fact I am just now finding out that my beloved Carmel Apple Spice at the holy land of Starbucks, can be delivered to me sip-able! Instead of sitting there in the cup holder on my office desk for 16 minutes taunting me that if I was to enjoy its delicious flavor any sooner, I would indeed burn my tongue – every time, without bloody fail.

Frustration such as both Notre Damn, I mean Dame, and Georgetown throwing my entire bracket out of the b-ball court because I held such promise in both of them, that I placed each into the elite eight and final four rounds … thanks boys – way to be a team players. Jerks.

Frustration such as the guy on Hampton Ave this morning, whoever you may be – top of the morning to you for cutting me off and forcing me to put my lip-gloss on my eyelid in order to avoid wreck and havoc. Having my make up on before I leave the house will not work as an excuse here, for you sir should get a driver’s license and steer clear of my morning vanity session …

Frustration such as yesterday’s extremely gorgeous day that forced me out door’s to pick up lunch for the office, and made me sob as I came back in … only to alternate between watching the madness of march on ESPN through my office computer (shhh, don’t tell) and being a window cling trying to soak up the vitamin D – wishing the windows were able to be opened not for the fresh air, but for the pure indulgence to drop water balloons on the people frolicking outside on this sunny afternoon …

Frustration such as this weekend will be spent cooped up indoors, studying, and staring out into the gloom on this supposed first day of Spring … a day that once was the birthday of my beloved Grammie … how I would give anything for one of her hugs right now …

Frustration such as the impromptu happy hour that seemed to be continued at home … only the happy part to the hour was misleading, as I soon found myself disconcert – and we all know what that means – alcohol mixed with emotions = tears. Damn, it’s like science.

Frustration such as putting yourself out there in this world and it appears that your Achilles’ heel is being yourself. Just a person who through heartache and pain, the past has shown her the true importance of today – and as such, given the clarity to take pleasure in the rare moments, the promise of a new day – the possibilities – the mistakes to be had, to learn from, and the enjoyment of every moment spent giving, receiving, and being … apparently though that outlook on life intimidates and in turn makes you question your very belief of how you interact with people.

I speak of hope, optimism, belief, trust, faith – letting yourself be carefree and enjoy the true miracle of today. While that is all fine and great, it’s also all erroneous some days. You see some days you need to have up defense mechanisms locked and loaded, otherwise you will feel used and unjust, insignificant and without promise. That is where the real frustration takes a hold of you. Making you doubt yourself and what you have to offer – what you did offer and how its misinterpreted – what you should have done differently and what you should have never done at all. Making you feel like you shouldn’t be so …well … “you” … making you feel like you need to tone down your genuine nature, knock off the sincerity, and quit being nice. Because in the end, its not just the nice guys that finish last, it is also girls who really are a “catch”; and both have to feel as if holding back from being who they are is the only solution. Frustrating, isn’t it?

Frustration is not a great place to be. It will leave you wide awake at 1:43 in the morning confused. It will leave you restless and guarded. It will leave you with a piece of negative energy injected into your cerebellum, breading uncertainties, concern, and taking your focus. Everyone has flaws, but you should not feel like being open, honest, and sincere are abysmal traits to possess. You have to continue to be who you are, true to your inner spirit – despite the fact that it may indeed lead to other’s frustrations. You cannot let it question your personality traits and what you have to offer. That’s all you can ask of yourself – to never stop being true to yourself. As frustrating as it may be sometimes, you are who you are …
And …
It will leave you …
At times …
Feeling …
Frustrated.
And as frustrating as it might be to hear right now, those frustrations will in turn dissipate, and what is left is what you live with … so choose wisely and just let go of the rest.