Monday, March 15, 2010

The Rise and Fall: Fortress Destruction

Some roads lead no where – but what if that corridor you traveled lead you to everywhere you have ever wanted to be?
In matters of the heart, emotions dominate. Twisted, tangled, the hurt can quickly transform into anger, anger into sadness, sadness into longing and so on … and so on … until not even champagne Thursdays seem to ease the pain. Why? Because in order to keep us grounded they must force us to deal in order to restore. Emotions equip us with the resources we need to comfort and soothe, mend and heal, gather strength, fight back, focus, and enlighten.

Construction from Pain
If you have experienced heartache before, then you may know of a universal architectural design that soon formulates in a mixture of the both conscious and unconscious in nature – more commonly referred to as “walls”. In many instances, these walls go up in hopes to give us time to process the emotions; hurt more than once though, and what was a temporary solution grows into a longer resolution and soon those walls cultivate even higher. Personally, I have a defense system commonly known as Fort Knox. Laugh all you will but its kept many of heartache at bay. Who wants those tears, and confusion? Pain and sadness? Not I said the girl sitting in her fort … protected … guarded … sheltered … and yet, alone. For years this fortress of solitude kept me safe, but it also kept me bottled and unaccompanied. The strive to be independent and strong is an evolved condition for survival, but it’s also a closed door to contentment. My walls were made in the form of bottled emotion, focusing on my loved ones instead of myself, giving to others in their time of need and pretending my needs did not exist, creating an agenda of “to-do” leaving no room for the opportunity of despondency to present itself. My emotions had become so jaded and cynical that I dared to give them merit; for if I did I had to speak of my true beliefs – such as the hopeless romantic in me, the believer in signs, the impossible wish of true bliss could be a reality. And if I spoke these true feelings, I would indeed myself break my own creation of defense – and be vulnerable …

What happened to the days of the past where we acted on emotions and allowed our heart to feel? To pursue? To enjoy the moments and not hide behind our citadel of fear, and apprehension? The phrase chivalry is dead only because we have given it significance and therefore power to dictate our present thoughts. In past times our grandparents and older acted on their feelings usually without hesitate and reluctance. To quote Johnny Depp in Public Enemy, “You would be in a hurry too if you were looking at what I was.” Now days if we go after what we want we tend to scare people; mostly ourselves. No longer is our happiness in the forefront – our quest for bliss at an end – instead we stay glued to the viscous cycle of confusion in hopes that one day we will be ready to venture out – take a risk – pursue our true wants without living in the doubt.

Fort Knox No Longer
What are you willing to loose in order to gain ever abundant bliss? Negativity, what-ifs, distrust, question, trepidation, apprehension … everything your walls are made of. Not to be sold on ebay or at the local thrift shop, but these traits are worth sacrificing even for the smallest amount of good. I have spoken a lot this past year regarding giving up our barriers, but most recently I have had the awakened moment when I knew my walls were finally down. The destruction was effortless, carefree, fascinating. The aftermath was liberating and enlightening; quitting the past and living in the moment gives you the power to wake up and stop missing out because of fear. The rational is that we miss the point of the present by being guarded and sheltered – by dwelling on the past and focusing on the future.

With my walls down, the whole hearted, unabashed truth is that I felt something unfamiliar this past week – an inner voice that whispered, “foolish girl” – but only for a brief moment when I thought the destruction of Fort Knox Estates was not worth every one of these mornings I wake up in the moment of today. There is more freedom in waiving the white flag of surrender in one sunrise of smiles and possibilities, than there was in years of protection. Despite uncertainty, I put down the wall of fortification, and somersaulted into bliss with no fear of the consequences – with zero hesitation. This time the “what if’ left me breathless and eager to risk … and risk I did. Putting out there your feelings makes you vulnerable, but you cannot hide from your feelings, you cannot let your pride or fear stand in your way of expression. If you do, you are the hindrance to your progress and as such, your own enemy on the battlefield of life – heartbreak warfare if you will.

Bus driver – move that bus …
… And reveal the new dwellings … no more walls, no fortress, no “escape” from life. The new creation you must feast your eyes upon is the open space around you – a space that provides the breeding ground to flourish in life – to live ready and willing to commit in your decisions; decisions that are based on what you are willing to live with instead of what you are willing to live without. Otherwise, the what-ifs in your life will consume you – question your very place in the here and now, and make you face the unchartered territory.

The White Flag of Surrender
With nothing but the open surroundings, your vision is clear. Now you can truly lift your eyes to the sun – a new day is upon you. What adventures are in store ... What experiences are to be had ... What moments you will cherish and remember … History is about to be made – The newspaper boys are already on the corner selling the morning addition – front page headliner:
Fort Knox has been defeated. Territory to be used for nourishing the once thought impossible – an epic piece of certain elation.

1 comment:

  1. You have outdone yourself with this one! This is a lesson in love that needs to be shouted from the roof tops! It is better to have loved and lost... than never to have loved at all. This reminds me of Repunzel. Locking your heart away, sitting in the top room of that lonely tower, watching life pass you by, is not living at all. I would not trade all the heartache I've experienced, all the tears I've shed over any one of those "stupid boys" to just be numb. After all if you stay behind those walls how will you ever experience true love when it finally comes your way?