Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Soul's Balance

This piece of Plan B has been brought to you by my humility.
Having a discussion with a friend recently, I had an infiltrate of truth. In terms of my obsession compulsiveness, on a scale of one to ten, I hover around an eleven on a bad day. It’s not a part of my personality I would change by any means, but it can be crippling at times. When I step back and exam my life I see a person who is precise and thrives on accomplishments. My to do list lies in front of me ready to have items checked off and great satisfaction is had once the little check has been drawn. My home is neat and tidy, pristine almost in how I maintain its appearance – everything has its place. My friendships live in my life with an absorbance of love and support, encouragement and concern – in both the give and take fashion. I have a career that will not be my final resting place in the workforce, but it provides a lifestyle for my family that is comfortable and respite. I have a great deal of passions that fuel me; reading, painting, music, charity work, writing, and planning of all regards – they are outlets that give back to my soul and provide comfort and clarity. In almost every valve of my life I am put together; this neat tidy package wrapped in a bow and ready to unveil a glow of radiance on any turn of dime …

Then you look in my suv …
Its chaotic and crazy! And that is putting it gently. Let’s exam what I saw today: The front seats have my son’s school papers starting on the seat and working their way to the floor in a fanned out manner (it’s quite the thing of beauty I must say…). The cup holders are accommodating zero cups, but instead are the perfect spot apparently to keep CDs, some trash, a couple of quarters, and a left over hot sauce packet. There are golf balls (keepsakes of my driving range days), ink pens in the front console and three different pairs of sunglasses up by the speed control window pane. In the back seat you will find bottles of water, of both the full and empty kind, animal crackers (not in the package), twelve temporary tattoos (say that three times fast), a blanket, a tote bag, and finally some guitar picks, crayons, and a broken umbrella. In the back, back … well, one word: overwhelming. You name it, and it exists back there I promise you that. Throw all of that together, add some sand from our weekends at the beach, the dust that has not been cleaned since I splurged on that Christmas gift to myself and had it professionally done, and floors that literally haven the leaves from last fall and … ta da … you have a complete and utter mess.

And the epiphany was …
To the untrained eye, my life is pretty grand. A beautiful home, an amazing son, terrific friends, great job … it’s balanced, energetic, and engulfs me with love and laughter … but such in the case of my car, there are aspects of my life that are an utter disaster. A percentage of the time I can deal with the chaos – it provides an outlet when the rest of my life I struggle with keeping things together in their “orderly fashion”. But every once in a while, I get a wild hair, and I clean out the car – Windex the windows, vacuum the floors, and put in new air fresheners. When I am done it looks like the other areas of my life … and I work to maintain its beauty and refinement. But give it a week and its right back to the mess it was before.

The fact of the matter is that I have to have this one place in my world where there are no exceptions – it counter acts the other areas where I battle my inner demon to always be the “yes” girl, to always be the “soccer” mom (without the van), to always be the “homemaker”, to always be the “it” lass, to always be the counselor, the confidant, the pleaser, the cleaner, the organizer, the planner, the bank, the chef, and the other ninety nine interchangeable hats I sport. Don’t let that list fool you – I adore, and that is an understatement, I adore my role in my life and others – and would not change a thing about who I am as a person, what I commit to those I love, and how I enjoy being each and every one of those roles. Still, it feels great to get into my place of driving residence, buckle up, feel the need for speed, and chuck empty tea cups onto the floorboard of the passenger seat while jamming out at the top of my lungs not caring what the person at the stoplight thinks of my version of “so you think you can dance – car style”.

Your breaking point is?
Look around in your lives. Do you have a place in your life that allows you to break free from the mold – a mold that you indeed love to be, but none the less it feels good to be out of those shoes for 15 minutes? Being a parent, an employee, a friend, a homemaker, a part time little bit of everything can be challenging … almost debilitating, and when you add to the mix our little quirks (like OCD in my case) then there are trying days beyond belief of the expectations we place on ourselves.

And let me repeat that because it’s very important … on the expectations we place on ourselves.

On any given day you sport the same ninety nine hats, just in a different array of fashions that are particular to your life – from bringing home the bacon to reading bedtime stories, picking up the dry cleaning to volunteering at the soup kitchen, coaching a little league team to guest relations in aisle five of the supermarket – our lives are a nonstop cycle of to do / to be / to have / to make / to live. In that entire splendor though of what we love and are blessed with, it can still be taxing.

Find your “break from the mold” terrain and stake your name on it. You don’t have to have a messy car in order to balance, but you need to find something that has no expectations, resolutions, or commitments to just, well frankly, have the I don’t care mentality. Further appreciate the blessings in your life, by embracing one that otherwise might have fallen through the cracks … your own creative “break even” point if you will. Have your own epiphany and carve out a place to be free as wind – reckless and wild – light and intoxicating with zero expectations. It truly can be good for the soul as it comes full circle in the day to day balance of your world.

1 comment:

  1. I will have to say this is a great read just as I start the day after a crappy night being off on my game. Speaking of my "game" I feel that is my way of releasing tension as well as being with friends new and old.