Thursday, September 23, 2010

"The Audrey"

About a month ago I bought this new apron – “the Audrey” – to match my kitchen. Stop laughing. It’s true, and it looks fabulous. The halter style, black and white, 1920’s version of the modern day cooking attire makes me feel like I shine in the kitchen, so much that I cook every chance I get so I have an excuse to wear it. In fact, I even sport it to warm up left over Chinese food and to let go of my morning Eggo’s in the toaster…

Just another Saturday night in my kitchen …
A few weeks back, I had been fighting the gift of the seasonal change – a sinus infection. Which in lamens terms means I hadn’t felt pretty in a week. Over the weekend though, while my son was a way and I was relaxing, I found myself in the kitchen, on a Saturday night, cooking for one. But the uno in the equation did not prevent me from sliding into the Audrey and making a spicy pasta and asparagus creation. Stephen Kellogg was playing in my kitchen CD player. The aroma of spice was in the air. I set the table (which that night the role was played by my living room floor …), and I substituted the red wine for a hot cup of Zen green tea. For a moment, I felt better.

But, as my mind has a tendency to do … it began to wander about, traveling in thoughts – thoughts such as “Damn I make this apron look good …” and “This is completely not lame ….” and “I wonder what the ratio of other girls, my age, this attractive in an apron and stilettos, are at home, alone, on a Saturday night? I bet it’s an insanely high number …” and “What channel am I watching??? Nope, nope, nope … don’t fall for it – that shake weight will never accomplish the goal of “burning fat” – but it can and will accomplish next channel please …”

And then …. Wait for it, wait for it … yep, there they were – like clockwork … those plaguing thoughts any one, at home, on a Saturday night, alone, will eventually begin to think … thoughts such as “I should have made plans – yeah, but I was sick – yeah, but at this rate, this could be my future in ten years if I keep playing such bad ass defense with my heart. It’s like I am my own condensed version of kryptonite. Arrrggghhhh …. So frustrating! What are you waiting for??”

As my mind deliberated on such thoughts, the silence of the house gave way to the sound of muffled music. A festival seemed to be going on a few blocks away, and from my top floor apartment I could hear the distant sound. I couldn’t resist. I am a sucker for music. And even more so for live music. So I did what any normal girl would do, alone, on a Saturday night, with plaguing questions about her future – I took off my stilettos (leaving the Audrey on), threw open my window, grabbed my cup of tea, my laptop and some pillows, and sat typing this very piece as I listened to the live version of “Don’t Stop Believing” … oh wait, by the time I finished this paragraph we were well into “I wish I had Jesse’s Girl” … and, as it typical happens, it doesn’t take much for me to smile … and instantly I found that I was well into the comfort of being home … alone… smiling …

And that’s the beauty of music …
For me, my mood can be completely changed by one song. That night made me reminisce to a night a few weeks prior. We were downtown at a Cards game, where afterwards we found ourselves at the infamous Paddy O’s, kicking back long island ice teas and laughter. That night something amazing happened. I danced in the rain. This massive thunderstorm rolled in sending everyone either inside or under the outdoor bar tent. One of my girlfriends, a true conqueror of the rarity in life, grabbed me and asked me to dance. And so we did. For hours we splashed and twirled. The smiling was endless. The feeling was infectious – carefree, lost in the moment. Giggling as we had our drinks and our two steps. It was a true movie moment – a memory in the making. And one that I will fondly cherish. As the rain soaked me, each drop landing on my face, I took in the feeling of happiness inhabiting my every molecule.

Shouldn’t life be this intoxicating with living in the rarity on any given day? There is no one preventing us from dancing in our very own kitchens. No one that is, besides, ourselves. Life is scary, and when you least expect it, painful. But it’s also “The Audrey” – making us feel amazing for no other reason besides we sport it. We rock it. We make up any excuse we can to place ourselves in it. Completely emerged in the real, the raw, and the romance of the rarity.

And that’s the beauty of life …
We have the option, in rain and in shine, to place ourselves in it and do our damn best to live it. How? By creating memories. Living dreams. Making mistakes. Falling down and getting back up. Admitting our faults. Taking chances. Allowing love in. Giving more than we take. Gambling on risks. Remembering that there are no guarantees. Not hiding our feelings. Opening our eyes to the gifts each day brings. And, being comfortable with just being ourselves.

Is it frustrating? Sometimes too much. Is it crippling? No doubt. Is it a beautiful crazy mess? Perhaps – but it’s a rarity … our very own beautiful crazy mess that gives us such extraordinary life altering moments.

If you’re hearts broken, pick up the pieces. If you doubt, have faith. If you love someone, tell them. If your angry, forgive. If your sad, smile. Why? Because life’s dance is happening now. Like in the now now. Not tomorrow, not next Tuesday, but now. It’s our choice whether or not we fill up our dance cards, or sit it out – either way, it’s the life we are leading, it’s the life we are living. It’s the life that is worth dancing in the rain, feeling the rhythm of making the moments count.

And that’s the beauty of a moment …
It can captivate you. Change the course of your future. And give you a reason to dance. It’s your rarity – dream it. Believe in it. Live it. And make every excuse you can to put yourself in it.


  1. Yet another piece of awesome!!

  2. Laughing you assume is the first things that one would do when reading this,nah, but picturing you in the apron and hearing "leggo my Eggo" creates an interesting picture.

    You hit the nail on the head with "Because life’s dance is happening now. Like in the now now. Not tomorrow, not next Tuesday, but now." From what I have went through I live everyday as if it may be my last and enjoy everything around. I think doing this is what helps keep my stress balanced. Being balanced it does not take over and allows me to live a happy life no matter what goes on around me.